New Jen's Horde

Sunday, June 05, 2005

How to do an autopsy

I found this online guide for doing an autopsy. It's written by a pathologist, and has cute little step-by-step diagrams showing 3 identical guys going through the steps as he explains them in the text. It's a little disturbing, because it makes you think that maybe they're triplets running some sort of human chop shop, but it gets the job done.

Also, he links you to his own calculator for determining time of death. That was kind of fun to play around with for a while.

Seriously, though, I had to wonder if people were surfing his site and trying to actually perform these procedures on their own at home? If you are, don't tell me, OK? If I have to testify, the less I know about it the better...

I wish I would have had this website to help guide me through the last time I preformed a...nevermind.
Awwwwwwdruuuh! ***Jen says in her best whiny voice*** I said DON'T tell me!
does it tell you what to do if you puke all over the corpse?
I was just reading in Tid Bits today some jokes about autopsies & lawyers.
The one that sticks in my head...
Lawyer: Doctor, did you take the patient's pulse before you started preforming the autopsy? Doctor: No
Lawyer: Did you check the patient's blood pressure? Doctor: No
Lawyer: Did you check the heart beat? Doctor: No
Lawyer: So how did you know the patient was dead? Doctor: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Lawyer: So the patient could have still been alive when you started the autopsy? Doctor: Certainly! And he could have been here practicing law too!
Ooh, ouch!
That is totally funny and completely whack. word...EEEEEWWWWW!! (and I'm right there with ya Julie...barfing in the corner...or the body cavity, whatever the case may be)
ew. just ew.
He he he he... guess what I do for a living...
Fantastic! That's twice you've come up with just the info I needed, Jen. You are hereby appointed my research goddess. And when my book hits the stands (or possibly the big screen), I'll be able to pay you for it. ;-)
Glad to be of service, Scone. When you've got all of the evidence cleaned up I'll shake your hand... ;-)
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