New Jen's Horde

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

The Smoking Gun covers the "Runaway Bride"

The Smoking Gun has gathered a collection of letters received by police and city leaders in regards to the Jennifer Wilbanks case.

Some came down squarely on her side. Some obviously really just don't like her at all. Some try to find a medical cause for her behavior, like this person suggesting she suffers from hyperthyroidism. Almost all of the letters suffer from atrocious spelling and grammatical errors.

I think this letter is my personal favorite. It's from a pastor who declares that he's surprised she didn't run away sooner, because as he says:
The formal, pricey, catalog-driven wedding is the thing most pastors absolutely despise. Give me a funeral any day. The butt-in-the-sky mother of the bride talks back, the dead never do.
Right on! I want to start attending HIS church! I wonder if he uses "butt-in-the-sky" during his sermons, maybe referring to the Pharisees or the opposing teams in the interfaith softball league? No matter, he obviously speaks his mind and there's no doubt you'd stay awake while he was preaching!


Just covering my bases

I'm sorry, Davin.

Oh, and I guess it doesn't hurt to start drinking, either...


Monday, May 30, 2005

Solar Umbrella House

I have a fascination with unusual architecture. I don't know why, because I'm perfectly happy in my cookie cutter suburban home, but I do like to look at interesting buildings.

The Solar Umbrella House dropped my jaw. It's brilliant in its simplicity. Designed after a similar home in Florida, this California home incorporates a sun-shielding "umbrella" made of solar panels. It's one of those ideas that's both radical and "DUH!"-inspiring at the same time. Really, why haven't people been doing this all along?

I wonder if we'll see more buildings designed this way now that the idea is out there? I hope so.


Sunday, May 29, 2005


Check out The Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form!!!!

They are attempting to render a limerick for every word in the English language. Apparently everyone is thinking of the sort of limericks I am, because the statistic on the front page says "13924 Limericks, 5328 Approved." Oops!

They're clear through the A's, and when they say every word, they mean EVERY word. Here's their entry for azoospermia, ie the absence of sperm (spermatozoa) in semen:

Your azoospermia means
There are problems in passing your genes.
It's a medical term
That's applied to your sperm:
They are missing-in-action marines.
by Mephistopheles


Saturday, May 28, 2005



Posted by Hello

Modeled by the lovely Davin, who likes them very much, and who brings up the extremely important point that I am grateful he is not a centipede...


Friday, May 27, 2005



OU\"T\"GIFederal Reserve


Weird Gardens

I wanted to like this site. Really, I did. We're looking for ideas for our front and back yard and I thought this might have some funky alternatives to view. It does, but I am reminded that sometimes things are alternative for a reason.

She gives a picture tour from her front yard, complete with rusted sewing machine set into the concrete, onto the porch where we see something she just calls "ducky," through the dark and cluttered living room, past the dining room which is adorned with some sort of dead animal, and into the kitchen where you find more whatever this is than you'd think humanly possible in this small of an area. This woman's motto is definitely not "Less is more."

Finally, in the deck and back garden you're confronted with art that seems to be compelling evidence that a serial killer lives here.

There are a few DIY pieces where you can tell she really tried. This mosiac table, for instance, or the inlaid bottles that you see from time to time in funky homes. The effort involved in all of this just makes the final result harder to bear, because your brain doesn't know what to do with it. It's like Morticia Addams, Martha Stewart, and Tom Cullen from The Stand moved in together and had $10 each to fix the place up.


Thursday, May 26, 2005

Master Yoda's Movie Quotes Contest

This nearly made me pee! Hurry, there's not much time left...


It was bound to happen, sooner or later...




I've written about William Shatner here before. This convinces me all over again that he's just more Shatner than most of us can handle. Three times more, at least!


SO much easier than cutting all of those letters from the newspaper!

This is definitely how I'm writing my next



Go write your own here!

Via Misguided Thoughts


Wednesday, May 25, 2005

National Missing Children's Day

Today is National Missing Children's Day.

There are a few things you can do to help keep children safe. One is to go check the photos at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and see if you recognize anyone. It's pretty tough, but if it were your kid on the list, you'd want everyone looking.

Another thing you can do is check out the various materials available to help prepare your child for what to do in the event someone tries to abduct or molest them. You can find good stuff here and here.

Finally, the Polly Klaas Foundation offers free child safety kits that include information, fingerprint kits and DNA sampling material. As you recall, Polly was abducted from her bedroom during a slumber party and murdered. The Polly Klaas Foundation is just one of the organizations that was created by her family after her death to help children. The other is KlaasKids and is able to lobby in congress on children's behalf.


We saw Revenge of the Sith

I'll write more later but I just have one thing to say. It's a bit of a spoiler so you'll have to click on the ... to see it.

I don't have droids to do my work, and I can't fly all around the galaxy to other planets, but we knew darn good and sure I was having twins by the time I was nine weeks pregnant. How could Padme not know? Come on...


Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Can Darth Vader read your mind?

Find out here.

I don't think he's really all that strong in the Force. If he was it wouldn't have taken him 23 tries to figure out I was thinking of "poop." Heck, my sister Julie could have determined that way faster, and she doesn't have ANY Force in her. Of course, Julie's known me her whole life, so she may have an advantage there...


Monday, May 23, 2005

If you're looking for a new place to hang out...

you might check ET Girl Palace. They're brand new forums dedicated to discussing music and other interesting stuff. I've known the administrator from a couple of other boards and she's very fun and not afraid of going completely off-topic.

I'm hipmama1970 over there...


Paper Plate Education

Paper Plate Education uses ordinary paper plates to illustrate a variety of activities. It's heavy on science, but also includes some math, art, and even P.E.!

I thought this one looked particularly cool, and may prompt a trip to the health food store.

I love it when people make learning cheap and accessible!


Sunday, May 22, 2005

$108.5 million

That's what Star Wars: Episode III earned in the first weekend in the U.S.

That's 18 Steve Austins and change!


They come in threes

It's a three meme...if you are tagged you MUST fill out the three meme on your blog. (Sheri tagged me with this one.)

3 names I go by:
Jen among my friends, my kids call me Mom, my loyal subjects call me "Her Royal Highness, Queen of the Universe."

3 screen-names I've had:
hipmama1970, JenLG, Jen In CO

3 physical things I like about myself:
Eyes, nose, smile

3 physical things I dislike about myself:
There are more than three so I'm not even going there.

3 parts of my heritage:
German, Native American, English (I think)

3 things I am wearing right now:
Dress, bra, undies

3 favorite bands / musical artists:
Beatles, Newsboys, David Bowie

3 favorite songs:
I like LOTS of songs

3 things I want in a relationship:
Sense of humor, sense of responsibility, dedication to family

3 physical things about the preferred sex other people that appeal to me:
Easy smile, big laugh, physically affectionate

3 of my favorite hobbies:
Crocheting, knitting, reading

3 things I want to do really badly right now:
See my family (they're camping), finish Davin's second sock, take a shower (stole that from Sheri, but it's a good one!)

3 things that scare me:
Losing my kids, saying something hurtful (which I do more that I'd like), falling down the stairs

3 of my everyday essentials:
A shower, a little time for prayer, hopefully some time to read

3 careers you have considered or are considering:
Psychologist, teacher, day care

3 places you want to go on vacation:
Moab, New Orleans, Alaska

3 kids' names you like:
Anya, Maya, Sage and Tiernan (I know that's 4, deal with it.)

3 things you want to do before you die:
Travel around the country, have a zillion grandchildren, do something memorable

3 ways I am stereotypically a boy:
I think farts are funny, I like to put things together, I like to drive (Does that count?)

3 ways I am stereotypically a chick:
I love to play with makeup, I love to knit and crochet, I like to keep house and play with my kids

3 celeb crushes:
These go back a ways...David Duchovny, Harrison Ford (before the Callista Flockhart years) and of course, David Bowie

3 people to play next:
And Scott, this should give you a jump start :-)

Click on the "..." to read the rest of the post!


Saturday, May 21, 2005

Saturday's Shampoo

Lather: Tell about one time you laughed so hard you couldn't breathe. Who were you with? What were you laughing about?
It was during a sleepover at my friend Aspen's house. I can't remember why this came up, but for some reason we were talking about someone having a "fart attack." That sent us into screaming gales of laughter, which immediately caused her mother to come yell at us and threaten that I would have to go home if we couldn't stay quiet and go to sleep. Well, as you all know, NOTHING makes something more funny than when you're compelled not to laugh about it.

(As a sidenote, my favorite example of this phenomenon in film is the Biggus Dickus scene in Monty Python's Life of Brian.)

I ended up spending a good part of the next hour in the bathroom trying to get myself together, but failing miserably as I would hear escaped snickers coming from her room next door and that would set me off...and vice versa. I did get to stay the rest of the night, but it took us a long time to get ourselves under control. Now that I'm a mom I'm sure that, even though we were trying to be quiet, we were probably still rowdy enough to wake the neighbors.

Rinse: What's the last book you couldn't put down? Why?
It's been a while, but the last book that I can remember reading that I literally couldn't put down was The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. I'm not even sure why. It isn't because it's my theological view of heaven or even my view of what a teenage girl is like. I think maybe because I could understand how Susie needed to wrap up certain things before she could move on, and she needed to be sure her family was OK. We can all relate to that. I read the book almost non-stop in less than 24 hours, just doing whatever I needed to to keep my household running during that time.

Repeat: What website, blog, online game, etc have you spent the most time on this week? Share the URL with the rest of us!
I've been following Audra's blog Random Ramblings. I don't agree with everything she says (I don't agree with everything anyone says) but even if I'm disagreeing I'm always laughing at her hilarious style! Very fun!

Also, I couldn't resist the title of the blog, Army of Dorkness so I put it on my list to check from time to time. While I don't know what they're talking about half the time, the rest of the time I'm rewarded with fun articles about the goings on in the underground nerd community!


Friday, May 20, 2005

Ooh ooh!

I won $5 Trillion!!!!!

You'll have to scroll down to 5/17 for the contest, and 5/19 to see me announced as the winner. How fun!


And to take it all down a notch...

I was pretty excited about my sock until I found the site Things Other People Accomplished When They Were Your Age.

This is what I found:

At age 34:

Francis Scott Key, after witnessing the bombardment of Fort McHenry, publishes "The Star Spangled Banner."

Judith Guest began writing her first novel, Ordinary People.

After defeating Antony and Cleopatra's forces in a naval battle, Augustus became the master of the Roman world.

Matthias Jakob Schleiden, a German botanist, formulated the cell theory of physiology.

Author, creator of our national anthem, master of the Roman world? And, um, I'm not entirely sure what they're talking about in that last one... I haven't even gotten to the heel of the second sock. Dang.


Wednesday, May 18, 2005

I did it!

I knitted a freaking sock!

Posted by Hello

This is what I've been alluding to for a while now when I've mentioned I was trying something that I might fail at doing. I used a neat pattern that requires two circular needles, and Davin is very happy with his new sock. As you can see, I've even started on a second one for him.

The yarn is really neat, too. It's called self-patterning sock yarn, and it's specially dyed to make it look like you spent a lot of time changing the yarn out. Really all I did was go around and around...

It was tremendously time consuming, and more than a little tricky (this is the first project I've ever completed to use both knit AND purl), but it was fun and interesting and I'm glad I did it. I'm not sure I'm going to let him actually WALK AROUND in these socks, considering the first one took something like two weeks to complete. Maybe we'll just frame them?


Tuesday, May 17, 2005

The Complimenting Commenter

Have you all seen this blog? The sole purpose of the blog's owner is to go "around the blogosphere leaving Complimentary Comments. For Kindness sake." Doesn't that just give you warm fuzzies?


Monday, May 16, 2005

I'm an idiot.

Today, during a field trip to the Butterfly Pavilion, I bought a pair of Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches for the kids.

Posted by Hello

At the time it seemed kind of fun and cool, but on the way home it hit me. I paid money for roaches. People pay money to get RID of roaches. What was I thinking?

I'm sure it will turn out to be fine, and a great thing for the kids. The man at the gift shop assures me they are both female, so as long as he knows what he's talking about and they weren't knocked up when I got them we should be OK. (Please Lord.) Oh, and I guess as long as they didn't use any amphibian DNA while they were producing them, because as we all know life, uh, finds a way...


Sunday, May 15, 2005

Radio DavidByrne

This is really fun! I'm finding this streaming audio handpicked by the former Talking Heads frontman to be an addictive, eclectic mix of alternative, oldies, jazz and latin music. For last week or so it's been playing in the background while I surf more often than not, and I'm definitely finding some new favorites among the songs I'm familiar with.

Try it out!


Just a thought

I think we should get this person and this person together. It seems like they'd have a lot to talk about...


Saturday, May 14, 2005

Something to remember

I found this on Michelle's blog, Mountain Top Farms, in a wonderful post about a trip to the library with her son:

"Learning only happens when a child is interested. Otherwise, it is like throwing marshmallows at his head and calling it eating."
It's one of those things I've seen in action in my own family, even so I still sometimes forget.


Saturday's Shampoo

Lather: If you could go back to any point in your life and say ONE THING to someone, what would it be and to whom? ~OR~ If you could go back to any point in your life and take ONE THING BACK that you said, what would it be and why?

I think I would march into my high school, right up to myself and my circle of friends, hand out copies of The Teenage Liberation Handbook, and simply say, "Read it." When I read it as an adult, after my kids were born, I remember wishing over and over that I'd known at the time that it was possible to drop out of school and just get on with my life. It would have prevented untold damage.

Rinse: In the last week or so, name something you've done that's typically out of character for you.

I actually signed up to get cable TV reinstalled in my home again after about 2 years of not having any television reception! We got rid of it because I was annoyed by all of the commercials, and by the fact that we would just turn it on and it would stay on all day. So, instead of getting any channels in, we just ordered tons of stuff from Netflix, which has been working really well. However, we've decided to get cable and a DVR system (similar to TiVo) which should take care of both the commercial and "watching whatever's next" problems without having to worry about queue management or the postal system. If not, we sent it all back and work on a new plan...

Repeat: Where have you wasted the most time on the internet this week? Give up the URL!

I've been playing a lot of Big Kahuna Reef at Game Blast. That won't be much fun for those of you who don't have memberships, though.

On a more important note, I've been following Ian's blog since last month. Ian is 1 and was just recently diagnosed with leukemia. I try not to intrude, since the blog was obviously set up to keep his family informed, but after having spent so much time in hospitals with my own kids I check in to see how he's doing and I keep him in my prayers.


Friday, May 13, 2005

This feels like a flashback waiting to happen.

Imagine a low-budget post-apocalyptic movie set in the not-so-distant future. During the inevitable scene where the gritty leader of the ravaged band of people, who are in the second or third generation of living underground, sits back and begins to recite the history of how his people lost their right to live in the sun, he will say something like,
"When it all started, it hardly seemed significant. No one saw how quickly they would become self aware...and overpower our cities driving the few survivors beneath the earth..."
This would of course be followed by lots of low-budget carnage, the self-sacrificial loss of the leader's best friend in the service of the greater good, and the hopeful ending where, after having found some small, exploitable weakness in the robots the humans fight their way to the surface and gaze for the first time over the ruined landscape while a voiceover proclaims their will to rebuild a new society from the ashes of the old, a society that will learn from our mistakes and honor human uniqueness above all else.

My goodness, I need to get out more!


Wendy's "Chili Finger" Owner Found

Am I the only grossed out by the fact that authorities keep referring to helpful "tips" in this case? For instance:

His identity was traced through a tip made to Wendy's hot line...authorities "positively confirmed that this subject was in fact the source of the fingertip."
I think that, just in this instance, they should say "beneficial clues from citizens" or "information from cooperative locals." Yes, it's excessively wordy, but it's worth it just to spare us confusion about just which kind of "tips" the hot line has been receiving.


This is really creepy.

Plus, it reminds me of an episode of Law and Order: SVU that I watched recently. Apparently those shows really are ripped straight from the headlines...future ones, even! Yuck.


Thursday, May 12, 2005

I heard a rumor,

something about some new Star Wars movie coming out?

Anyway, Heather linked to an AtomFilms Star Wars spoof I hadn't seen before, and it reminded me that we'd been seeing a few around here lately that were entertaining.

Grocery Store Wars is kind of cute, it's a Star Wars parody with a message. If you're into organic foods, or you love puns, this one's for you!

Here's the Star Wars Gangsta Rap. There's a little language in this one, but it's funny. I think they pinned Luke's whiney voice down perfectly! There's also a "Special Edition" version you can watch from here.

I love it when it's time for a new Star Wars movie. All of a sudden, everything in the world has Star Wars propaganda packaging. It's like Christmas everyday, there's always a surprise waiting. I don't know why, but I think my Diet Pepsi tastes even better when it has Chewbacca on it. Don't you?


At Knit's End: Meditations for Women who Knit Too Much


This book was definitely a worthwhile read. As you may or may not know, I'm sort of new to knitting. I crochet like a demon, and can crank out granny squares all day long. But even though I've known how to knit (and purl!) for as long as I can remember, I never actually finished a knitting project until recently, when I made the birthday scarf last month. (BTW-I'll have you know that the birthday girl has worn her scarf nearly every day since then, according to her mother, and even showed up with it on for her yearbook pictures for our homeschool group!) Something about that scarf with the novelty yarn really got me jazzed about knitting. I've gone on to make other projects, and now I'm trying something more complicated (which I'm keeping a secret in the event that it's a complete failure. Keep tuned in just in case it's not! You may have to keep tuned a while, it's going much slower than expected.)

Anyway, back to the book. I found it very inspirational, but more importantly I found the author to have the ability to make knitting seem accessible to anyone. To me, knitting was always like the French-speaking segment of the fiber arts. Sure, you could really try hard, but people were going to end up mocking you. Not your accent in this case, but rather your choice of needles, or how you hold your yarn, or more likely, what type of yarn you're using. I always felt like if I tried to knit, I'd be like the fat girl at the debutant ball in last year's shoes, or the gawky one still dancing the Macarena. And although the author does make one dig at crochet, you can tell from the humorous and generous spirit in the rest of her writing that she really did mean it in the best possible way. :-)

You can feel her true joy for knitting in all of its forms, and you know she just wants to encourage people to try all of the wonderful yarns and needles out there, rather than berating the ones who don't like the same ones she does. She makes me want to go sheer a sheep and spin for myself, just because her experience with wool sounds so wonderful!

The book is full of helpful hints and is just a lot of fun to read. To see what this author's about and behold what beautiful things she's knitting while I putter away at my possible failure, you can check her out at her blog, The Yarn Harlot.


Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Mind blowingly awesome!

I don't know how Stacey gets anything done! Look at all of the fascinating and gorgeous designs she makes and puts on her blog, Fractal Rock.

If I could do stuff like that my house would be covered in an inch of dust and my kids would be eating cold cereal three times a day because I'd be too busy playing with my fractals and blogging them. As it is, they do get warm meals comment on the dust. :-/


How cool is this?

Reconstructions of King Tut's head based on CT scans.

On the side view, it seems that his skull is an odd shape. I notice skulls A LOT now after Tiernan's total cranial vault remodeling surgery to correct his sagittal synostosis. I wonder if King Tut's skull abnormality resulted from something postmortem, or was a form of positional plagiocephaly caused by sleeping or clothing customs of the time, or if it's completely normal and I just look too closely at this sort of thing?

I think this is so neat!


Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The first rule of Knit Club is:

You DO NOT talk about Knit Club!
Oh, wait. Forget I said anything...

Via A Time to Knit.


Monday, May 09, 2005

My 101 in 1001 is up!

Man, that was a LOT harder than I thought it would be! Stuff either seemed too shallow ("Find a nice hairstyle"), or it was really mundane short term stuff (like "Call dentist on Monday"), or stuff that was way too longterm for the 1001 days ("Buy a yurt and retire to the San Luis Valley.") It took a lot of work, once I put down everything I really thought was meaningful and deep, I only had about 30 of the 101. Now I understand why people had things on their list like, "Buy all of Twin Peaks on DVD" and that Johnny Walker thing. Frankly, after that I started surfing other people's lists for some inspiration. I'm glad I did, there's some really neat stuff out there!

So, here is the list I came up with. I actually did it about a week ago and then sat on it. I talked to a few friends about it, and kept coming back to it and fiddling with it. I may fiddle with it still. Ah, the beauty of invisible edits!


Sunday, May 08, 2005


The Time Traveler Conference was a bust.

I figured at least these guys would have been there...


Look what I got today!


Posted by Hello

Breakfast in bed! And I didn't even have to go to the hospital and shove a new kid out or anything, so this is a first!

Yes, that is a face. It was supposed to be a portrait of me, but from what I understand as it got going it didn't look much like me so they decided it was a clown face instead. Or maybe they're sparing my feelings because they think that I look like a clown but they don't want to tell me. Either way, it was a lovely and delicious sentiment.


Happy Mother's Day!

For those Mom's out there who are like me and will no doubt spend at least part of the day on the computer surfing the 'net, I give you this page of Mother's Day history.

Anyone who's ever tried to plan a celebration for all of the mothers of many different ages and generations in their family, each rightfully claiming it as her "special day," shouldn't be surprised to find that the woman who campaigned to put Mother's Day on the calendar died alone in a sanatorium. It was bound to happen, poor dear!

Anyway, have a great day!


Saturday, May 07, 2005

When being polite doesn't pay

It's not that I don't like snakes. They're OK. In a slightly disturbing way. I don't even mind if we own one, as long as it's never, ever in any way my responsibility... and it stays in its habitat when I'm alone with it.

On Thursday, I took the kids to the library to see a reptile specialist who does shows for children. His name is Rick The Reptile Guy, and the kids LOVED him! He had all sorts of amphibians, and reptiles, and quite a few snakes.

He and his wife, Sara, showed off the animals, and then carried them around to let the kids touch them and see them up close. There were about 30 kids there, and I think they would have stayed there for a week listening to him talk about all the neat animals he brought and waiting to touch them.

I, on the other hand, was very content taking pictures and making sure none of my kids got eaten or squeezed to death. While Rick's lovely and patient wife Sara was showing Tiernan their red-tail boa constrictor, Topanga, Rick was getting an enormous snake (over 10 ft long) out to show the kids. I was snapping this great picture of Tiernan holding Topanga, when I heard Rick call for Sara.

Posted by Hello

Rick sounded a little concerned, and he had a gigantic snake in a room full of children. Since I was standing right there I said, during what can only be described as a complete loss of forethought, "Is there something I can do to help?" She replied, "Sure, can you hold her for a minute?" and plopped this big snake right into my hands! I think my answer was something like, "Gahk," which I said eloquently to her back as she scooted off to help her husband.

So, there I was, with a full-on case of the creeping willies, and I soon found my problem was only getting worse! Not only was I dealing with holding a 5 foot long snake that only moments ago I had considered myself very brave to give a cursory poke to with one finger (for my children's sake, I was just fine without it) but now all of a sudden I was inundated with KIDS! Topanga was a KID MAGNET! As much as I really didn't want to be holding her, I certainly didn't want to be the crazy lady who dropped her, or lost her in the library.

All of the kids were very polite, and were taking turns, quickly passing the snake back to me to pass to another kid. Snakes are strange enough as it is, but when they're flying around a circle of kids in midair like the sweet potatoes no one can get enough of at Thanksgiving, you get an even weirder view. I kept getting her given back to me backwards from how I handed her off, so just when I thought I figured out which end was the front I'd end up with a face full of snake butt, and vice versa. I wouldn't normally pay any attention, but she was kind of fast and I needed to know which direction she was headed so that I could make sure I was headed that way, too!

After a few minutes of this, Sara returned to retrieve Topanga, and the activity moved on with her.

I realize that this story could have a really heartwarming ending. I could finish up by saying that now I realize that snakes are really wonderful, and I'm so glad that this happened because it gave me the opportunity to learn more about them and now we're off to go buy our own snake because I've decided to join the circus and be the Snake Charmer Lady. But, this is my blog, and the story ends my way, which is firmly in reality. The only lesson I took from this experience is to NEVER offer to do anything helpful when you're in the presence of a 5 foot long snake.

PS-Yes, that is Tiernan's "Extra Grover" scarf on the floor at his feet. He wore it that day, even though it was in the 60s, and had only taken it off at that point because he was playing "snake" with it in between reptiles that came around. So, at least it's getting lots of good use, scarves finished in May so rarely do...


Right on!


:: how jedi are you? ::

Warning: Bad language on many of the answers, stay away if this offends you.


Saturday's Shampoo

Lather: What word bothers you the most when other people mispronounce or misspell it?

I get annoyed when people add syllables to words. Like "Ath-uh-lete" or "real-uh-tor."

I'm also very picky about spelling. But, for some weird reason, sometimes when I misspell a word I won't even notice it for a day or two, and I find that embarrassing. I think, as a homeschooling parent, that I need to portray myself as being at least somewhat well educated when I'm in a public forum. It bothers me terribly to come back to a post two days later and realize I used the wrong form or "their" or I left a "teh" instead of "the."

Rinse: What are some euphemisms you use or have used for "flatulence?"
Thanks to Amy aka "Ballardini" at CAPISCE (ka' peesh) for the idea!

We grew up just not talking much about it. We said "pass gas" or "fart." I dated a guy who actually called his a "trouser cough," but he was sort of a theater major type guy and I think it was an affectation.

When my sister had her daugher (she started having kids first and forged the way on many of these things), they started calling them "fluffs." I have no idea where that came from, but I thought that sounded much nicer and more girly so when I had three girls of my own that's what we used, too. Of course, now they prefer "fart" because it's about the naughtiest word they now, and it sends them off into gales of laughter. But, we're still attempting to civilize them so we're trying to tone the whole thing down.

Repeat: Where have you wasted the most time on the internet this week? Give up the URL!

I've been catching up on the the archives over at The Knitting Curmudgeon (her motto: "Shut Up, I'm Counting.") A recent post of hers has inspired me to try something more difficult with my knitting. If it works out, I'll show you all. If it doesn't, I'll never mention it again and we'll all just forget about it...


Friday, May 06, 2005

If you see me here today, smack me!

I really mean it.

Today I need to put together the catalog for our homeschool group's co-op, plus my house is a complete disaster. Not quite of Biblical proportions, but bad enough that I'd be embarrassed to have my mother come over and she lived with me through my teen years. :-0

Hopefully you have more time on your hands today than I do, in which case you should go play Maui Wowee for a while. It has pretty flowers and happy "popping" sounds when you get something right. Ah, the simple pleasures of life...


Thursday, May 05, 2005

"Don't stop mourning. Don't be comforted. Keep on crying."

That gave me chills.

Those were words spoken at the funeral service for Precious Doe, an unidentified child who was brutally murdered and left by the side of a highway in 2001. Police now believe they know her name, Erica Michelle Maria Green, and have arrested her mother in connection with her death. Her mother has confessed.

I can't imagine that's really all that comforting, or that people will stop mourning now, but at least she has a name.


Simplicitee hee hee!

Oh, MAN!

My Mom is an excellent seamstress. Because of this fact, I grew up with tons of clothing and craft patterns around. I'm not kidding, Mom really could make anything. (warning: language) brought some of those memories right back to the surface! The unmistakeable "pattern" art combined with sharp and witty commentary had me laughing out loud! This one nearly made me pee...

Via Pop Culture Junk Mail.


Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Jack, meet Gopher. Gopher, this is Mr. Ripper...

Ok, no one's claiming anything about The Love Boat being involved in this (although after any many more Charo episodes with the "Cuchi cuchi!" it might well have been a welcomed diversion aboard the Pacific Princess) but there is a new theory that states that Jack the Ripper may have been a sailor.

I do wonder, and it's nice to see that people are still digging.



Doesn't that mean the same thing as "Chatty?" If so, we've known that since kindergarten when they started writing it on my report cards and notes home to my mom...

I got this "Ultimate Personality Test" from Heather.
Jennifer, you're a Socialite!

This means you're confident, dependable, and goal-oriented — and when you make a plan you stick with it. Your natural friendliness and charm mean you're great at meeting people. And chances are you handle this popularity with grace since you take your personal life very seriously.

You are generous with your belongings and see work as an extension of your social life. Sometimes you can also be self-critical and worry too much.


Tuesday, May 03, 2005

We're a Mile High!


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Sage, Anya, Maya and Tiernan

We visited the Colorado State Capitol today with our homeschool group. This picture was taken with the kids standing right at the most recent, most accurate "Mile High Marker."

The kids were all very well-behaved, so much so that the tour guide allowed us to walk through the back of back of two large rooms where legislature was in session at the time. We actually passed through as a resolution was passed and they banged the gavel!

I think we need to focus on doing more cultural things, though. As we drove up and saw the majestic gold dome, I pointed it out and said, "Look kids! That's where we're going!" Tiernan sighed, "Can we just drive through?"

PS-The twins don't normally dress alike! These are their Easter dresses from two years ago (Anya had a blue one, but she's way too tall for it now) and they wore them today because I asked them to dress nicely for the Capitol. Usually, they don't even own matchy-matchy stuff.


Monday, May 02, 2005

Gary came and went

and he didn't kill me. He didn't find my package either, so everything's pretty much like I expected it to be. Except, I think that a small part of me may be evil.

He was REALLY FREAKED OUT about it, claiming this was the first time he's flat out lost something. I actually felt kind of sorry for him. At one point he looked at me and said in a pleading voice, "Please tell me it was something replaceable?"

This is where the "evil" comes in... For a split second, I had the horrible, nearly irresistable urge to tell him that it was my Grandma's ashes or some other equally devastating lie. But, I controlled myself and assured him that it was just pictures we were waiting on so we could assemble our group's yearbook. The look of relief on his face made me glad I'd kept my dark side under wraps...

...this time! Mua ha ha ha ha!!!!! and cut.

Sorry, that just sort of called for a cliffhanger ending. Really I'm just going to go take a shower and try to get on with the relaxing portion of my day without the kids...


This brought a tear to my eye...

Scoot on over to "Church of the Big Sky" and read the story of Merujo's True Hero of a mom. Wow!

Still no word yet from the possibly-murderous-but-most-likely-just-clueless delivery driver...


I'm supposed to be relaxing

while my kids are playing at a friend's (woohoo, thanks, Sara!), but I'm not. I'm waiting for a call back from a global packaging service about why my package is not here.

Of course, they don't see it this way. Every time I call and explain to another person that my package is not here, but the tracking system says it was delivered on Thursday, they cheerfully tell me, "Ma'am? Our system shows that package was delivered on Thursday!" Um no, it wasn't. I was home all that day, and the door tag from the failed delivery attempt on Wednesday was still up. We stay at home moms may lead drab, repetitive lives, but they're not so boring that we need to call our delivery people and claim we didn't get our packages just to make the days go by more quickly.

Now they're telling me that they need to send the courier to my house to show me where he delivered the package. Am I the only one who sees a problem with this? Since I have checked my front door area carefully, I know that he's not going to drive up and miraculously pull the box from some previously unseen niche. Unless he's a magician and pulls it out of my ear...THAT I'd pay to see.

Given the evidence, odds are he delivered the package to the wrong house. It's unlikely he's going to show up at my house today and say, "Gosh darn it! No wonder it isn't here, I delivered it 2 doors up. I'm a complete idiot, I hope they fire me this time!"

Or, a more sinister possibility is that he's going to come to my house and kill me, so that I quit calling their claims line and complaining about him. There's plenty of room in those delivery trucks for a body, and heaven knows he has more than enough time on his hands since he's not actually DELIVERING any packages! I could be in a shallow grave by nightfall.

If I don't blog again by this time tomorrow, please consider running this lead down. I have it on good authority (after 5 phone calls I got the manager of my driver on the phone today) that the driver's name is "Gary."


We've sunk to new lows in "geekyness"


I am a d12


I am a d10

Take the quiz at

Geekyness aside, the answers do seem very much like us. Davin wants everyone to know that he considers that to be a "Damn fine d10!" Yes, he's quite handsome, isn't he?


Sunday, May 01, 2005

D'oh! A Deer!


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Check out my mom's cool new minivan! Within 48 hours of buying it, she hit a deer that was apparently trying to jump over her (much easier to do there in Iowa than it is here!) Even though she sustained this kind of damage, she kept control of the vehicle until she could pull over. Then my step-dad proceeded to drive the van home 60 miles LIKE THIS! People in the midwest are made of much sterner stuff than we are, I'm convinced. Mom is feeling fine.

The deer, on the other hand, did not fare nearly as well. No word yet from the deer community where services will be held.



I was able to finish both Anya and Tiernan's scarves in the last couple of days. They both went well, and I have a lot more confidence in my knitting now. However, I'm not sure I have a lot of confidence in the yarn producers of our fine nation...

This is Anya's scarf. I don't think I dropped any stitches or anything! It was done in Bernat Boa "Tweety Bird" and the only thing that bugged me was that somehow I ended up getting vertical stripes in parts of it. I know from crocheting that this just happens sometimes with variegated yarn, but it's still annoying.

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This is Tiernan's scarf. He loves it! I'm glad, because I love him, but man, it's an ugly, ugly scarf! I let him pick from all of the yarns at the store, and this is what his 3 year old heart desired most.

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I took a close up picture of it, so that you could truly behold the travesty that is this yarn. They call it "Brilliant Blue." I would have named it something along the lines of, "Muppets Washed Together In Hot In The Heavy Duty Cycle, NOW With Extra Grover !"I am certain this is why they continue to refuse my offers to help down at the yarn factory.

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So that's it then! All of my kids have a little scarf made my me! Whew!


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