I went out yesterday to see the new Omen movie with a couple of friends. Even though the theater was nearly empty, an older woman came and sat right behind me. Why do people do that? Not only did she kick the back of my chair the whole time, but at one point she expelled a HUGE HACKING COUGH and I felt droplets hit the top of my head and arms.

I'll just pause there for effect. You can shudder with me if you like.

I was packing my trusty hand sanitizer, so I whipped it out, and slathered myself up with it, for the lack of any better idea of what to do in this circumstance. I'm sure she probably didn't have any nasty diseases, but still...

Nothing eventful happened for the rest of the film, other than the constant kicking.

I figured the worst had passed, then I went to use the restroom. As I was washing my hands, I saw a big blob of half-chewed popcorn on my shoulder.

I was not eating popcorn during the movie.

Oh, heave...

You know, I can handle a lot of nasty things. Mothers are routinely covered in bodily fluids. I can cheerfully go about my business with vomit in my hair IF IT CAME FROM MY CHILDREN. But, standing there realizing I was covered in some stranger's movie snack expectorate nearly did me in.

And, even though the movie was actually pretty OK, I found the spewed popcorn to be the scariest part of the experience.