Never bet a kid who just farted that he can't fart again. There will be cleanup involved...

Labels: kids

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  A conversation from Walgreen's yesterday:

Anya: Mom, that sign says they sell facial tissues here.

Me: Yeah, it's a drug store, they sell all kinds of stuff.

Anya: Really? Like muscles and skin and stuff?

Me: ...few seconds of silence... Not that kind of tissues, they mean Kleenex!

I'd say we have the sciences well under control here!

Labels: homeschooling, kids

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  The other day, Lori commented, wondering where Anya got her Wednesday-ish tendencies from. Really, I swear it wasn't all from me! A lot of what we do and study is because she and the other kids are interested, not because I'm leading them that way. But, I'm pretty open with helping them get where they want to go, and it doesn't hurt that I'm fascinated by true crime, etc, so I can generally answer their questions and find resources for them.

I didn't plan it this way, but the post the other day became and excellent segueway for this one! Yesterday was our homeschool group's trip to tour the County Coroner's office. It was amazingly cool! They were very good about answering the kids' questions respectfully without getting too scary or gross, but also without dumbing anything down.

They made sure we could come at a time when they weren't busy, and everything was all cleaned up. So, we didn't see any bodies; everyone was put away when we came through. We learned about what you need to learn to work there, and what happens when they get a call. We got to see the evidence room, and learned how long they keep stuff; 1 year for "naturals," 2 years for accidental and suicides, and they keep evidence from homicides forever.

We also got a new term that we hadn't heard before! Yay, vocabulary! And, because I love you all so much, I will share it with you.

Diener-From wikipedia-"The word Diener is German for servant. In English, it is generally used to describe the person, in the morgue, responsible for handling, moving, and cleaning the corpse (though, at some institutions dieners perform the entire dissection at autopsy). It is derived from the German word Leichendiener, which literally means corpse servant."

There you go, aren't you glad you stopped by today?

If this seems at all interesting to you, you should check with your county. Or, come visit me and I'll set you up! This was, hands down, one of the most interesting tours we've ever been on.

Labels: crime, homeschooling, kids

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When Anya was little, among other things, we used to call her "Wednesday," after the creepy little girl on the Addams Family. Anya never had a regular lovie like her sisters (you can see Sage's Meowie here.) Instead, she carried around a rubber human skeleton as if it were her baby. For her 3rd birthday, she insisted on a skeleton costume, which I had to make because I couldn't find one in her size. She helped me to make it anatomically correct, because one of her pastimes was to drag out our ancient copy of Gray's Anatomy and make us read it to her. She really was an odd little kid.

She's still fairly Wendesday-ish, although as she gets older she can "pass" for normal more easily. But, if you ever want to be assured that she's still creepy on the inside, just ask her about anything dealing with death, including the processes of decomposition and how to identify human remains. That's been her latest passion.

I'm going to go hang with my Wednesday girl and the rest of the horde. Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Labels: crime, kids, television

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  when the only way you can persuade him to eat his broccoli is by singing the praises of the hideous stink he will produce later if he does.

Labels: juvenile humor, kids

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  It's been 2 weeks since her surgery, and today the stitches came out.

Because they had to go so deep to remove all of the affected tissue, she's got about a zillion stitches inside, but those will dissolve and we don't need to worry about them. Today they just took out the ones on the surface.

They said she's looking good, and that she'll still probably be worn out sometimes because of how the procedure went, but that just having the stitches out should make her feel better. Whew!

Yesterday, I took her and some other tweens out to see Twilight. Yeah, again. Actually, I saw it once in the interim without telling you guys, so this was the 7th time. Yes, I understand that I have a problem... What of it?

Anyway, yesterday was the first time she was able to get a shower and go out and do stuff for any length of time. Yay for Sage! So, I think she's starting to really recover, either that or the Twilight movie has some magical healing powers. Given the migraine I ended up with yesterday, I'm pretty sure it's the former, or maybe it just doesn't work for old people?

Either way, I'm glad to see her up and about more!

Labels: kids, medical, Twilight

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  Guess who vacuumed my house today?

My seven year old son!

He's a good-hearted kid, and eager to please, but normally I don't give him a lot of responsibility. He has a freakishly short attention span...unless he's involved in some form of demolition. Therefore, whatever task I set him to may start well, but it ends in an explosion and a giant mess. And tears, often from me.

But, today, I got to thinking about it. He likes machines. The vacuum cleaner is a machine. He likes things with wheels, the vacuum cleaner has wheels! When you think about it, it's basically a power tool, right?

It was AWESOME! He vacuumed the heck out of my carpet (and trust me, there was a lot of heck in there to suck out!) He was having such a great time that he didn't want it to end! I think he's in love...

Wait until I show him the hose and the attachments, I may have to buy him his own. That's OK, it's worth it!

Labels: cleaning, kids

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  During a conversation I had with my Dad the other day, he expressed his disappointment that I haven't been blogging much. There was nothing I could do but hang my head in shame and promise to do better.

Part of the problem is that I have been goofing off way too much on Facebook (I'm Jen Lindner-Green if you want to "friend" me.) It's very different from blogging, but I get more feedback there and I keep hooking up with old friends so I just sort of gravitated off in that direction. I am ever so sorry. You guys deserve better. Do you still love me?

Another part of the problem is that Sage finally had that precancerous birthmark removed in a surgery that turned into a big gory mess (but I got to watch the procedure, which was most excellent!) The recovery has been a lot more stressful than it would normally be. The bad news: They expect a great deal of bleeding during scalp surgery, and while we like to see Sage exceed all expectations, we don't mean stuff like this. It really was pretty awful. The good news: She is 100% cancer free, and this surgery shouldn't need to be repeated. So, as soon as we get her healed up, she's done, duh duh done (think "Dragnet" for the tune to that) with this whole experience.

Other than that, all is good! Homeschooling is ripping right along, and we get to go to the County Coroner's Office in March. We were supposed to go last year, but we were still suffering from the Iowa Death Flu. So, YAY, we're taking the kids to the morgue (temporarily)!

Oh, yeah, and Twilight has taken over our lives. We loves us some Twilight. We are planning to move to Forks and buy a house next door to the Cullens. So, the stalking has taken up a bit of time, not to mention trying to hide from the Volturri and the werewolves...

Seriously, between taking different groups of kids, etc, I've seen the movie 5 times in the theater. Me, the grownup! I was thinking hard the other day, trying to remember the last time I'd seen a movie more than once or twice in the actual theater... Not counting movies I've watched while only wearing a bra and slip, can you guess what the last movie was that I saw 5 times in the theater? Click here for the answer! Were you right? Let me know in the comments.

Anyhoo, I'm here. I will be here more often, because it breaks my heart to disappoint my Dad. I love you, Dad!

Labels: facebook, homeschooling, kids, medical, Twilight

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  I'm back home now! I rolled in on the train Monday morning, and pretty much slept through yesterday.

The train between here and Iowa runs overnight, so I didn't really get to see any scenery. But, I did see one notable thing while I was riding. There was an older guy in my car, who was on oxygen. He was wearing high-waisted pants with rainbow suspenders. And, here's the good part, a T-shirt that said, "Drink Til You Want Me." Love it! I wish I could have taken a photo!

My sister's surgery went well, and she's starting to feel better. She's still got a hard row to hoe, so if you could keep her in your prayers that would be great!

I still need to schedule Sage's surgery. She's stressed out about it, so I think it would be best to just get it over with.

Kaywinnet, the dog, is doing pretty well after her major abdominal surgery. She's still in a cone, and on 4 different medications, but she should be OK.

I'm having a really crummy fibro flare. It feels like there is gravel in my shoulders and hips. But, I'm not gonna complain because it will go away and life is good :-)

Are you all ready for Thanksgiving?

Labels: holiday, kids, medical, pets, travel

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  Not something you normally expect for your 10 year old, but we're rolling with it.

When Maya and Sage were born, we were able to tell them apart because of a birthmark Sage has on her scalp. It was flat, and a little bumpy, and no hair grew in that area. So, even in the dark, we'd know which baby we had.

Once her hair covered it, we never thought about it again. Until last month when it changed. It stayed the same size around, but started bulging out all over the place. Plus, it became crusty and oozy.

We took her to the pediatrician, who immediately announced that he had no idea what it was, and sent us to a dermatologist. But, even though he didn't know, he gave me some good medical search terms, and I was able to find out what it likely was.

This was confirmed by the dermatologist today. It's most likely a nevus sebaceous. This birthmark can change during adolescence (ta da!) and can sometimes become malignant (boo!), but that having it go bad is rare.

So, the dermatologist took a biopsy today. If it is a nevus sebaceous, we will likely have surgery to remove it because there's a risk that basal cell carcinomas can form within it. Even if that's the case, there's no concern on the dermatologist's part that the growth is cancerous now, and it doesn't usually become that way before the patient's 20s.

So, really, even though it sounds kind of creepy, it's all good. We'll know well ahead of time if anything's going to be a problem, and if she does need to have it removed it will be an hour or so under local anesthetic, then straight home. No biggie.

We should know in 2 weeks what's going to happen next.

Labels: kids, medical

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  I think there's been an anomaly in the space-time continuum!

Somehow, even though no time has passed, and I haven't aged at all, Anya has gone from this:


To this!


Happy 13th Birthday, my super-preemie Anya Marie! We love you XOXOXOX I'm going to go throw up now...

(Stay tuned, more updates coming!)

Labels: birthday, geek, kids, preemie

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  This weekend, I was trying to whisper something into Maya's ear (she's one of the 10 year olds) and she whipped her head around to give me her other ear. I asked if there was something wrong with the first one and she said, "Oh yeah, that one doesn't work any more..."

What? When did this happen? She said she thinks it happened when she she was 4 or so, and watching Teletubbies on the couch. That's SIX YEARS ago!

I took this opportunity to remind all of the kids that if a body part of theirs quits working, they should tell one of us about it right away. (Sometimes I can not believe the stuff I have to tell my children.)

The pediatrician said that it isn't earwax or a fluid buildup, and recommended that we see an audiologist. He refused to speculate about what might be going wrong...so like any good mom I looked it up on the internet.

It's unlikely it's in infection, because the tympanogram was fine, and everything looked good (that's still what I'm hoping for, though.)

This is one of the times where having identical twins is cool! There are a host of genetic abnormalities that could cause long term hearing loss, but we have a perfect control subject who doesn't have any of those issues. Also, they've pretty much had the same courses of meds (no ototoxic ones) and have been exposed the same environment. I can't think of an accident or injury that Maya's had that would affect her hearing, but it's possible.

So, I'm back to hoping it's an infection, although that's already pretty much been ruled out...

Any ideas? We should be setting up the appointment with the audiologist tomorrow.

Labels: kids, medical

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  We've got PINK EYE. Ooooo, stay away...

Labels: kids, sick

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  This week we've been getting ready for a new co-op session (there were over 70 classes offered this time, which is incredible!) and finishing up with the last session.

In our group, co-op works like an education potluck. Everyone brings something to the table, a class, field trip, party, etc, and then they all get to join in the feast. So, there's a ton of opportunities out there for my kids that aren't necessarily something I could teach them or do for them myself.

For instance, tomorrow, there will be 15 kids dressed as famous people throughout the ages. They will give us a speech as their person, so there's a lot to prepare for. I had to get 3 of mine ready to talk. I now know more than I ever expected to know about Cleopatra, Joan of Arc and Susan B. Anthony! I'll post pictures after it's all over.

So tonight, I have to read through the zillion classes, compare them with my needs and my schedule, and get ready to sign up tomorrow. Whew!

Hopefully I'll be back in here in Tuesday with a little more time on my hands!

Labels: homeschooling, kids

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  You may recall that all of my kids have loose valves in their digestive system. This means that they throw up shockingly easily. Not just when they're sick or confronted with something disgusting, you sort of expect that. We get involuntary uploads if they're running around too much, crying hard, or even if they get excited about something.

"Hey kids, we're going to Disneyland!" we might say.

"Really?" they'd answer, "Wheeeeeee-yarkle YARP YARP!"

Here's an example from last night at the dinner table. We were eating spaghetti and goofing around, and we all got to laughing. Suddenly, Tiernan started to sputter between giggles. That's no problem at Casa de Horde!

He simply excused himself from the table saying, "Uh oh, I'd better go laugh over the toilet."

I wonder when the fraternities will start calling to recruit him?

Labels: hurl, kids

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  No one here at my mom's has the flu. I took my sister on errands today, though, and she has a fever of 103 right now. Oh, and I may be leaving in a bit here to take her to the ER. It depends on if she can get her fever down or not.

I got a little more information on the pee/poop situation. Apparently, Liam has a little friend from school who consistently pees, etc, in inappropriate places. Julie had some reservations about this kid, but has found out more while researching this latest. So, it's good to know that, even though Liam came up with the idea to do this the other day, he didn't think it up himself. And the boys are both pretty mortified and have been really good since then. And, Liam can't be with this other boy any more.

We had a big talk with Tiernan about not doing what other kids are doing when you know it's wrong. Weird. I didn't think I'd have to give my homeschooled kids the "if so and so jumped of a bridge, would you?" talk.

Unless we have the plague here, we're planning to go into Cedar Rapids tomorrow.

Labels: kids, sick, travel

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  We're here in Iowa, and we had a great time at my Grandma's party. She's pretty neat, and a bunch of people showed up to wish her well. I think she was surprised so many people came, but I wasn't. She's always been surrounded by tons of folks!

The night we got into town, we went over to my sister Julie's house to help her decorate the cakes for the party. (They were beautiful, I'll post pictures when I get my camera hooked up.) While the grownups were busy, the 2 six year old boys, ie Tiernan and my nephew Liam, apparently had way too much time on their hands.

I can't believe this actually happened.

Apparently, they were off in Julie's craft room, and decided to pee on the floor. Both of them. All OVER the floor. I would not have thought two boys could produce so much urine! Then, Liam pooped in a drawer. Yes, right in a drawer. The story went through a few stages before we got the final version, and I guess the only reason Tiernan didn't poop too was not that he had a moral objection, but that he couldn't. He tried, but he was empty. Such a proud moment.

A couple of people have told me this is a boy thing, but I can't imagine that's so. It seems like we wouldn't have gotten to this point in our history, because the moms would have killed all the young Neanderthals for peeing on the floors of the caves...ESPECIALLY their sister's caves.

Then, we found out that my niece, Amelia, had to go to the ER this afternoon with a fever of 105. The official diagnosis is Influenza Type A, and she's been contagious while we've been hanging out with her. Hopefully we don't get it, or if we do it waits until we're home.

It just occurred to me. Maybe Julie made up the story about the flu, just to keep us from coming over and peeing on her floors anymore? Gosh, I hope not.

Labels: kids, sick, travel

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  It's been a busy few days, and it's only going to get busier, but I wanted to pop in and say hi!

First of all, you should know that I trimmed Maya's bangs today. So, you can all sleep a little easier...

We're gearing up for a trip to Iowa. My grandma is turning 85, and mom's throwing her a big party. The party's not a surprise, but our attending is, so if you see Grandma, don't say anything! I'm really excited, she's a cool lady :-)

We leave Thursday morning, and we'll be gone until the 9th, but hopefully I will be able to check in from the road a few times. As always, feel free to break in and clean my house while we're gone! We won't be camping this time (brrrr!) but we are driving. So, if you think about us, we'd appreciate any prayers you're up for!

Anyway, it's late and I'm trying to get the laundry caught up so we can pack tomorrow, so I'd better run.

Labels: kids, life, travel

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  What do you do when all of your plans are put on hold because you've got the flu in your house? Make skirts for the girls!

The 2 skirts on the outside (ie on Anya and Sage) are made out of a black flannel fabric. A mom in my homeschool group taught me how to make these. It's very simple, you sew a basic tube, then put a hem in one end and put elastic in the other and you're done!

The one in the middle (modeled by Maya) is a T-shirt recon. It's loosely based on the instructions here, except I actually did put a hem in it since it's for church, not for the clubs.

Both the T-shirt recon and one of the others have a drawstring at the top instead of elastic. I tried it both ways, and they preferred the drawstring, so they can share them around and they'll fit everyone pretty well.



Now, I think I'm going to try to find my hair scissors and trim Maya's bangs. Good grief, sometimes you don't really see your kids until you're taking photos of them!

Labels: crafting, kids, sick

.*.*.

  I thought that this year I would post about my daughter Anya's special Valentine.

Anya has known Sam since they were 7 and 8ish, and they glommed onto each other from the very start. They both love monsters (including Godzilla!) and they love the same kinds of video games. Hey, I know of marriages with less than that for a basis!

Here are a couple of pictures of them from yesterday's Valentine's Day party. (They were taken by Liese.)

I thought this one turned out cute.





And here is an action shot of them drawing a "monster" card to send to the soldiers...

Ah, young love. Sigh.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Labels: holiday, homeschooling, kids

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